a daisy's life, my life

Self Pity July

This is July and so far it’s killing me. The writer’s block lasted a year and would’ve continued if not for sudden drives of exhilaration in the middle of the night. 

Without further ado I’ll get into  what my life looks like right now. This year is one of decisions. Its my last year in high school and I have just realised how little I have lived it. After repeated episodes of social suicides I reserve myself to safe choices. To people who have grown to accept me for who I am. Fully aware of my life on the relationship front, I have started researching on cats. The Scottish fold and Bombay cat stand a good chance right now.

Academically, I might as well be an incompetent bum. A complacent back bencher who slides in his chair, sits tongue-tied throughout education and walks out wearing the pretense of ignorance to hide the reality of accepted failure.Thats who I have become.Swimming has reduced to being just a workout. I no longer enjoy it or excel in it.

Sadly enough, hardly anything makes me happy now.I don’t een remember the last time I laughed loudly or smiled stupidly .Can’t blame anyone but myself for this. But then again, I dont know how to stop. I secretly beg for a sign to prove myself wrong but end up predicting my own shortcomings, slowly rendering me into invisibility. Alone.The only one in my grade who hasn’t ever connected with anything or anyone yet.

I’m not a daisy.I’m like chimney smoke.Aa reminder of the fire that used to be. The undesirable inevitability. I hope I get into a college and make myself a life I’d like myself in.More than that, I hope I learn to smile more then cry.

Setting the sob story aside,I’m going to focus on getting better and writing more:)


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