my life


I scanned it…

Twenty times today.

That was three more than last time.

And last time was last month when I said happy birthday but I could see through those exclaimation points that you weren’t as glad.

And ten times more before that.

When you told me how to get over you, as if cutting you off was it for me.

It felt like it was more for you.

And I guess I seemed pathetic then, but I could never be that.

Because nothing could convince me to cash out on all the hours.

And all the effort I burnt…

To light myself up, once.

To give up on all our conversations and everything I wanted to see. To hear. To feel.

A someday.

You said you wanted to know me more.

And I guess I was the water that killed the wick, because I was out before I could even work.

The scented candle slowly spent itself on the crumbling wood of my time. Stained with indecent rot that filled me as it left you.

And you’re coming back tomorrow. But the scan tells me you’re not worth melting for anymore.

I just wish I hadn’t wasted my match on your cold golden eyes.

Because my box is almost out of sparks.

And its getting colder in Alaska everyday.

poems etc.

The election 

They won the only coin toss

Before the others knew how to play

And then they stood appalled 

From higher moral ground

Wearing coats with green lapels

Hints of gold in their salivating grins 

Preaching dreams only to tax them

In barren lands rain a sin

And yet the hollow people followed fast

The humourless constitution of the dream weaver

Afoot on a cloud above 

Lambs electing butchers as their leader

Finally they reached the alter

Their carcass stinking of despair 

As he perfumed himself with power

The illustrious illusion of order

Was only for the civic fair

And thus the carnivore sat on the throne

Lined by the hide of your forefathers 

While your flesh drops off your bone

The fat man’s dinner party a slaughter

poems etc.

Unexpected arrival

With an unexpected arrival

Drowned memories surface

Like bloated corpses 

Deserving no burial

And beseeching comfort 

The frightened juvenile 

Averts hateful glances

As she shields herself

In a cocoon of consolations

Trying to suppress

What she got away with

Desperately hiding

The hole in her heart

Made by her ego

Blamed on him

a daisy's life

Lemongrass cuts and  a shoddy Saturday

Well, my brain is messed up big time for believing that lemongrass in water is a good idea. And since the grass looked so pretty, my impulsivity drove my fingers through it…Messed up.

Lemongrass cuts…deep. They are like having multiple paper cuts  on the same spot. Painful and … painful.

But that is not the only detail ruining my favourite day of the week. I came back from a  two and a half hour, 5 km workout of endurance swimming practice!My life ,once exciting ,is now a compilation of medieval torture.

While people enjoy delightful and delicious Saturday breakfasts, I drink away my misery…I drink chlorine water. You heard me, bottles of unpurified, bug infused, parasitic pool water.

Then, dead and famished I come home and open the fridge. And two metaphorical moths fly out to further mock me. So dead and starved i move to take a hot bath which becomes a cold shower… A shockingly icy cold shower.

As i make my way towards my love: TV, I realise that no movie or show airs at like 11 in the morning. But my stubborn retarded mind decides to watch random shows and movies. I started watching an unusual ( to say the least) horror movie called…get this… PIZZA!! -WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK?!

This movie is about a pizza delivery guy who comes to deliver at a haunted house and gets stuck there only to be scared by blood, phonecalls, a kid, toys, blood , phonecalls and more toys. Man props to the director and inventive writer. What a beautiful experience!

After that I ate my luch which looked like something but was something else entirely. And then slumped in front of the tv again, except this time I was re watching one of my favourite rom-coms : THE HOLIDAY!

Now, I’m writing my blog to avoid conversation with others conscious of my delightful mood and the small  chance of slaughtering all of the only to “eat their liver with flava beans” as Hannibal Lector would have put it. But jokes apart, this saturday blows. I dont know whats worse-the fact that saturday is supposed to be my best day of the week or the fact that after waiting for a week it has been completely screwed over. 

Both ways, today has been a black spot in my ledger of perfect Saturdays and I detest it.

Also, August, what a great way to kick start a seemingly never ending month.